Why America & Hong Kong Can't Mess With Fireworks
by candy4yourEYEZ
Summary: Also entitled: Those Boys Are Pyromaniacs, And I Have The Burn Marks To Prove It. No pairings, just crack. T for language


Why America and Hong Kong are not allowed to put on a fireworks show together

Also entitled: Those boys are pyromaniacs and I have the burn marks to prove it!

The first hint England got that something was wrong was when he walked into the conference room and saw America whispering to Hong Kong. The second hint was that both of them were smiling. The third hint was the boxes stacked inconspicuously along the wall, with _dangerous_ marked on them in red letters.

England was not a very God-fearing man, but when he put those three hints together, he prayed like he never had before. "Please, please don't let those two be planning a fireworks show."

It was the fifth of July, and America was still slightly hung over from the night before, or really, this morning since he hadn't gone to sleep until four am. That didn't mean, however, that he wasn't awake enough to be planning the best world conference that any of the nations had ever had. Oh yes, he and Hong Kong would make this a day that the others would never forget.

England was scared. Very scared. He still had the burn marks from the last time America and Hong Kong got together and decided to show the world what real fireworks were. The fact that this was also the day after America's birthday did not bode well, and he'd seen the look on America's face when he watched the fifth Harry Potter movie, and knew that it was his new goal to beat that fireworks show set off by the Weasley twins.

For once, England was glad that his children didn't believe in faeries as well, because America's enthusiasm supplemented by the magic of the Fair Folk would be… He shuddered just thinking about it.

"HEY, EVERYONE, HONG KONG AND I HAVE AN ANNOUNCMENT TO MAKE!" America stood on the conference table and shouted at the top of his lungs, making several nations near him wince in pain from the sheer decibel level of his voice.

"Dear Lord…" England muttered, taking refuge under the table. He didn't care about being made fun of; rather about the state of the burns he would inevitably acquire after Hong Kong and that idiotic Yank did their show.

"We have decided to show you what real fireworks are," Hong Kong's voice was not raised, but everyone could hear him very well. Possibly because they were coming to terms with the fact that America and Hong Kong were cooperating, and that a passion for supersizing and a love of fireworks did not add up to a peaceful world meeting.

Exemplified by the fact that Switzerland was surreptitiously taking his favorite pistol out of its hiding place, Romano seemed to be drawing a switchblade- hoping, no doubt, to get in a slash at Germany during the chaos that was about to occur-, and Prussia was smiling like a murderer that was just pronounced free of all charges.

And it wasn't even nine-thirty yet.

"Well," America beamed, lowering his voice from ear-splitting-in-volume to just-loud-enough-to-make-the-ones-unfortunate-enough-to-be-sitting-next-to-him-plug-their-ears. "We have a fireworks show to put on, in honor of ME, and how much of a hero I am! So, without further ado, HONG KONG! LIGHT THE FUSE!"

Hong Kong nodded, smiled, and struck a match.

And all hell broke loose.

The first match lit a smaller sparkler, which sent up white sparks that then in turn ignited the bigger rockets above them, and soon enough the room was filled with brightly colored sparks, smoke, and flying fireworks. Bright yellow, fuchsia, neon green, turquoise, ruby, lavender, any color that you could name was exploding somewhere in the room.

The different nations were dealing with the multiple hazards to their health (the fireworks, and the pyromaniacs) differently. Canada was sitting calmly in a chair, resigned to the antics of his foster brothers, Italy was clinging to Germany; Spain was attempting to point out the 'pretty colors' to Romano, who was glaring daggers at Germany. Greece had, surprisingly, woken up, and was mouthing something that looked like: 'Let Turkey get blown up,' Russia was smiling like a child presented with a new toy, Belarus was standing behind Russia's chair with her knife, glaring at the trembling Baltics. France took the occasion to break out a bottle of wine, Switzerland now had his gun cocked and loaded, waiting for a chance to use it. Sweden was… well, who knew what Sweden thought. Sealand was praising his older brothers, saying that 'they'd done well, even if they had been raised by jerk England,' Hungary was scanning the room for any possible yaoi situations, and the other Asian nations had… joined England underneath the table, because they, too, knew what would inevitably happen when Hong Kong got too into his fireworks.

And England reconsidered his assumption that neither of the boys had access to magic, as the red, white, and blue fireworks gathered together to form a huge "HERO" in the air, and the colored ones made a picture of America's face.

"NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE FINALE," yelled America over the hisses, pops, and bangs. "SET IT OFF, HONG!"

"The finale, aru?" China whispered, looking scared for his life. "I thought they were done with America's face."

"Trust me, it's going to be a lot worse," England hissed, "I should've worn fireproof clothing today."

"Oh dear," Japan actually looked slightly worried, and Korea was using the opportunity to grope China while he was panicking about Hong Kong and America possibly exploding the world conference building.

With a cacophony of sizzles, pops, hisses, and the general noises that accompany explosions of a large caliber, Hong Kong set off the largest one yet, a huge red rocket larger than him, with white and blue fireworks of varying shapes and sizes attached to the sides. It shot straight up, ricocheted off the ceiling instead of bursting through, and exploded with a flash that left most of those looking blinded for a few minutes. Which may have been a good thing, as they were oblivious to the unfortunate side effects of the brilliant pyrotechnic display.

When everyone got their sight back, there were three groups that emerged. Group One: those that were panicking about the state of their clothes after all the smoke and sparks. Namely France. Group Two: those that were celebrating the successful show. America and Hong Kong. Italy seemed to be cheerful as well, but he was always smiling. Greece just looked happy because Turkey did, in fact, get hit. Group Three: the majority of the nations gathered, who were currently staring in horror at the ceiling of the building. Or, actually, the space where the ceiling used to be, as it was no longer there. And wondering how on earth they were going to explain to their bosses why they needed a new ceiling- and a fresh coat of paint for the walls, judging by the smoke stains that didn't look like they were going away anytime soon.

But, pretty soon, just about everyone was in Group Three.

"This degree of destruction is abominable." England crossed his arms and scowled, in the disapproving manner that he had mastered after long, painful years of dealing with colonies.

"I agree completely," China glowered at America and Hong Kong as well, and the two younger countries wilted under the frowns of the ones who raised them.

"At least you didn't destroy the entire building," Canada comforted.

"Don't give them ideas," England looked entirely too angry, and the guilty ones began to speculate if he had a gun as well. If he did, the resulting scenario would not be very pleasant…

"Well, we still have a few of the big ones left," America's voice quavered at the instant death glare he got from England.

"We're all doomed, aren't we." France mumbled, thumping his head on the charred table.

And for once, England agreed completely.

* * *

Authoress' Random Ramble

Wrote this for America's b-day

I can totally see this happening though... Well, review if you love America and Hong being pyros!

Less than three. less than three


End file.
